The following is
Essay #14, La Famiglia e Gli Altri Sulla
Strada Verso la Morte, of Dr. Ring's new book,
Waiting to Die: A Near-Death Researcher's
(Mostly Humorous) Reflections on His Own
Endgame.
All right, yes,
I am in an Italian mode today. I'm afraid
you'll have to deal with it, even if not for
long (though you may have to put up with me
longer). Besides, it's good to stretch your
brain every once in a while, and at this
point in my life, it's about the only part
of my body I can stretch without its
hurting. In any event, if you're not up to
doing the translation, you'll see soon
enough where this is heading. Right now,
it's to my mother who was not Italian,
though when she was young she was as
beautiful as a madonna in a painting by
Raphael.
However, by the
time she was close to the end, her beauty
had long been gone and she was eager to get
on with it. At that point, I thought I might
be of some help to her, but as you'll see, I
was left only with a rueful smile after my
mother responded to my offer to advise her
about what she would be in for when she
died.
My mother had a
sad life and a long and slow descent toward
the edge of the cliff of her death over
which she toppled at the age of almost 89 in
June of 2001. Her last years were spent in a
nursing home in Berkeley where, until her
last year or so, I was accustomed to pushing
her around the neighborhood in her
wheelchair. She was, however, lucid to the
end, even though she was by then hard of
hearing and generally very passive. She did
not like to be touched, and mostly she was
taciturn, too. I tried to entertain her by
recounting my latest adventures and sharing
family news.
"You talk too
much," she said to me one day.
On another
occasion, when I thought she might not have
long to live, I spent five minutes or so
telling her about my work on near-death
experiences. Finally, I asked her, "So, mom,
what do you expect will happen when you
die?"
She narrowed her
eyes and replied in a flat voice: "Nothing.
I expect to be dead."
Once, on what
turned out to be one of our last times
together, I asked her if she could tell me
some of the things in her life that had
given her the most happiness.
"You," she said.
I found myself
thinking of my mother today when I was
trudging on a dirt path along the creek that
runs in my neighborhood on my way to my
local bookstore to pick up some sustenance
for what's left of my brain. Lately, I have
been having a helluva time walking, and this
short journey to the bookstore, which I used
to traverse easily without thinking, has
become, if not an arduous undertaking, at
least one that requires more effort on my
part than I had been accustomed to for so
many years. It was as if what had been a
flat path had suddenly become a sharp
incline.
What made me
think of my mother was that in her last
years she had developed what I was told were
"contractures" in her legs, so that she was
no longer able to walk at all -- hence her
wheelchair. Since I am now only a few years
from the age my mother died, it occurred to
me that perhaps my walking days might also
be on a short leash. It could be that I will
become one of those old duffers who scoot
around in one of those motorized chairs,
zipping along the sidewalks, frightening
dogs and terrorizing old ladies carrying
their groceries home from the market.
Even now,
however, I make a pretty pitiful sight
ambling down the avenue, listing to my left
from my scoliosis and bent over as if I am
searching for a precious lost coin. Now that
my vision at least has improved somewhat,
thanks to my finding a competent optometrist
recently, I may have to relinquish my
self-appointed title as Mr. Magoo of Marin,
only to be dubbed the halt alter cocker of
Kentfield. (As you can see, my linguistic
versatility enables me to switch easily from
Italian to Yiddish.)
Whether I will
share my mother's fate about the use of my
legs is uncertain, but of course I know that
I will be sharing her ultimate fate when the
state of my legs will no longer be of
concern. Actually, I don't have much a
family left at all to accompany me on the
road toward death. I am now twice the age of
my father when he died, so both my parents
are naturally long gone. I am one of four
male cousins. My cousin, Roger, a podiatrist
who attained fame (or perhaps notoriety) in
his final years as a UFO researcher, died a
few years ago at 79. Not long afterward, my
cousin Don, an internationally renowned jazz
pianist, succumbed to cancer at 81. Now only
my cardiologist cousin, Cliff, who is really
like a brother to me and who is close to 80
himself, is left of that original quartet,
along with me. I am now the eldest as I head
for the unchartered territory of 83. Like
many people of this vintage, I'm sure, I
wonder what I'm doing here; I never expected
or wanted to live this long.
To be sure, I
have my children, and that is certainly a
boon to me as I venture ever closer to my
dotage, but here I am thinking about my
contemporaries who are gradually sliding
down the embankments of the road toward
death that I have been treading along,
however lamely, for a while now.
There's that old
song, "You'll never walk alone," from the
Rodgers and Hammerstein musical Carousel,
but as you walk along that final road, while
you may never be alone, the ranks of your
friends and family gradually thin out, so
that waiting to die is always punctuated by
loss and sadness. My knowledge of NDEs,
frankly, does not help me much to assuage
the loss of irreplaceable family members and
dear friends.
One of those
dear friends who recently died was a Dutch
NDEr with the unusual name of Joke
(pronounced "Yoka), short for Joanna. I
first met her about twenty-five years ago on
my first trip to Amsterdam. Quite by chance,
at the last moment, one night she
impulsively invited some friends and me to
her apartment after dinner, and I still
remember how astonished I was to find it
lined with thousands of books, from top to
bottom, along all of its walls. I was
immediately enraptured; I felt that I could
be very happy there for months exploring her
many books -- notwithstanding the fact, of
course, that most of them were not in
English. But what happened next was really
what bonded Joke and me for life, as it
turned out. While others were talking, she
was speaking to me and happened to put on a
recording of Fritz Wunderlich singing
Tamino's aria from The Magic Flute. I
happened to love Fritz Wunderlich (as did
Joke) and recognized his voice immediately.
The rest of the evening was passed in a mood
of enchantment; I have never forgotten it.
Joke and I
stayed in touch ever after, and we saw each
other again, too, both in Amsterdam and here
in California.
But you know
what I particularly remember about that trip
here? It may surprise you; it certainly did
me. She loved to shop, so we went shopping
together. She tried on clothes and I either
nodded or shook my head. We had a ball
together.
Otherwise, we
maintained contact over the years by e-mail.
She would write me funny letters in her
quixotic English, and some that were not so
funny, but more serious, as when she was
having troubles, either physically or
emotionally. But I was always happy to see
her name in my inbox.
I kept in touch
with her until almost the very end when she
was no longer able to write. She would
sometimes ask me to send her jokes, which I
did. I was happy to give her something to
make her laugh while she still could.
In just about
her last note to me she wrote:
"I would like to
stay in a beautiful hotel and look at the
blue sea. And I would like to talk with you
and go shopping with you one more time...
I live day by
day now. Have no idea how long this will
last.
This life as
Joke.
Please keep
sending your thoughts.
I love you." |
As I write, I
look off to my right, and a few feet away
me, on the wall of my study, is a large
framed color photograph. In the background,
we see Patmos on a sparkling clear day, with
the cerulean waters of the Aegean Sea
providing more atmospheric beauty to the
scene. In the foreground, there is a woman
seated on a white ledge who is holding aloft
in her right hand a bouquet of white
flowers. On her face is a smile that
radiates pure joy.
It is of course
a photograph of Joke -- Joke on her wedding
day about ten years ago. Beside her stands
her husband, Robert, in a dark suit, much
older than his beautiful wife, with his
shock of white hair. I can't tell if he is
looking bemused or perplexed or simply with
indulgent affection at his new bride.
This has always
been my favorite photo -- of many that I
have -- of Joke. It expresses so well her
joie de vivre as well as the beauty of her
spirit. It has been my daily companion for
years now, and it will continue to remain on
my wall as long as I am here. My knowledge
of NDEs may not help me when I mourn the
death of close friends, but this photograph
of Joke does, especially now.
But as a kind of
compensation for these losses, and to remind
me that the road toward death may also have
its unexpected rewards, some recent
encounters have certainly served to lift my
spirits and helped to banish these gloomy
reflections. More new people are coming into
my life now, seemingly to make up for the
ones I have lost. And not a few of them have
come my way as a result of reading these
little essays of mine on the University of
Heaven website. Here I'd like to share just
a little bit about two of them, who have
already become new and valued friends of
mine.
First, not long
ago I received a letter from an NDEr who had
attended one of my workshops in
Massachusetts in the mid-1980s. I had not
heard from her in all these years until I
received this letter out of the blue. It
went on for four pages, but here are just
the first few paragraphs. You can imagine
how it bucked up my spirits to read it.
Dear Dr Funny
or, should I say, Dear Dr Clever....
Whatever might
prove more apropos. I must begin by sharing
what a good giggle I got from your rendition
of the arduous challenges of an aging body.
Your light touch has proven to be a helpful
counterbalance to my own daily challenges of
pain and stiffness. Clearly, I'm not as
philosophical nor am I as sanguine as you
seem to be. I regard my morning misery as a
thief of time robbing an hour or more each
day before my brain clears and my body moves
without clenched teeth and considerable
grumbling and fear of crushing the cat.
Please tell me this fate of creeping
senescence doesn't inflict every oldster as
it does us. That's quite a horrible vision
to have in one's head. Thanks for lightening
my load, and my groaning revolt with your
delightful humor.
I also want to
thank you for your kind and enthusiastic
response to my email about NDE. When reading
your books through the years, I have always
been deeply impressed by what I sensed to be
your genuine warmth and true appreciation to
those who write to you. I must add that it
is my observation that these qualities are
unique to you. None of the other NDE
researchers project the kindness,
appreciation and genuine affability with
which you "ring" so true.
More words of
gratitude coming your way... This time for
the manner in which your writing, especially
Omega, provided a map of the realm of life
after NDE. I may have never found my way had
it not been for what, I assume, may have
been a bit of risky business when you
conjectured about the evolutionary path of
Mother Kundalini… |
Then there is a
woman I'll call Florence who also had been
familiar with my work and books on NDEs, and
was full of praise for them, which naturally
caused me immediately to go out and buy a
new hat for my now somewhat inflated head.
But it quickly turned out that Florence
wanted to write me about an important new
discovery she had made (that I am not at
liberty to disclose) that could lead to
important advances in anti-aging research.
The strange thing about this discovery,
however, was that it also had implications
for NDEs, so Florence was writing to me
about a research project she had in mind
involving out-of-body experiences (OBEs) and
evidence for the subtle luminous body that
is often referred to in the esoteric
tradition.
I was instantly
fascinated.
However, at the
time, as usual, I was also then preoccupied
with a number of my painful bodily
infirmities, and happened to allude briefly
to these annoying distractions in one of my
early letters to Florence. She immediately
wrote back a long letter with a number of
specific suggestions for remedies, most of
which I had never heard of, but some of
which I was persuaded to try (and they did
help). But what particularly struck me about
Florence's letters over the next week or so
was how deeply knowledgeable she was about
these matters, so much so that she soon had
become something like my health guru and was
offering to share her knowledge on all sorts
of treatments that would help to make me
well. She seemed to take a personal interest
in extending my life and nurturing me back
to health, which certainly was at odds and
threatened to interfere with my "waiting to
die" orientation.
But what
impressed me even more forcibly was
Florence's constant compassionate solicitude
for my welfare; I was very touched by and
grateful for her dedication to my well
being.
Our letters,
which were now nearly daily exchanges, were
about more than the trials of my body,
however. Eventually, Florence started to
write to me about some of the ancient
authorities on death -- mostly Greek and
Neo-Platonist philosophers, who often wrote
about the Eleusinian Mysteries of ancient
Greece and whose writings clearly
anticipated the findings of modern NDE
research.
As it happens, I
had written some articles on this same
subject many years ago and was familiar with
most of the writers Florence cited. But what
knocked me out was the specific quotations
Florence was able to cite, which I had long
forgotten, whose relevance to NDE findings
she was keen to remind me of. To give you a
sense of what Florence, who now gave me the
impression of being a classical scholar, was
then sharing with me, let me simply quote
some extracts from one of her letters:
I have no doubt
that you are right when comparing the
Mysteries rites to achieving the NDE. |
Plutarch
considered people who did not understand
these things as being deprived (according to
comments attributed to Plutarch in a fifth
century A.D. compilation by Joannes
Stobaeus), evidenced by his remarks when
comparing the release of the soul during
Mystery rites to what was believed to occur
at death:
Dear Dr Funny
or, should I say, Dear Dr Clever....
Whatever might
prove more apropos. I must begin by sharing
what a good giggle I got from your rendition
of the arduous challenges of an aging body.
Your light touch has proven to be a helpful
counterbalance to my own daily challenges of
pain and stiffness. Clearly, I'm not as
philosophical nor am I as sanguine as you
seem to be. I regard my morning misery as a
thief of time robbing an hour or more each
day before my brain clears and my body moves
without clenched teeth and considerable
grumbling and fear of crushing the cat.
Please tell me this fate of creeping
senescence doesn't inflict every oldster as
it does us. That's quite a horrible vision
to have in one's head. Thanks for lightening
my load, and my groaning revolt with your
delightful humor.
I also want to
thank you for your kind and enthusiastic
response to my email about NDE. When reading
your books through the years, I have always
been deeply impressed by what I sensed to be
your genuine warmth and true appreciation to
those who write to you. I must add that it
is my observation that these qualities are
unique to you. None of the other NDE
researchers project the kindness,
appreciation and genuine affability with
which you "ring" so true.
More words of
gratitude coming your way... This time for
the manner in which your writing, especially
Omega, provided a map of the realm of life
after NDE. I may have never found my way had
it not been for what, I assume, may have
been a bit of risky business when you
conjectured about the evolutionary path of
Mother Kundalini…
"When a man
dies, he is like those who are being
initiated into the mysteries... Our whole
life is but a succession of wanderings, of
painful courses, of long journeys by
tortuous ways without outlet. At the moment
of quitting it, fears, terrors, quiverings,
mortal sweats, and a lethargic stupor, cover
over us and overwhelm us; but as soon as we
are out of it, pure spots and meadows
receive us, with voices and dances and the
solemnities of sacred words and holy sights.
It is there that man, having become perfect
and initiated -- restored in liberty really
master of himself -- celebrates, crowned
with myrtle, the most august mysteries,
holds converse with just and pure souls,
looking down upon the impure multitude of
the profane or uninitiated, sinking in the
mire and mist beneath him -- through fear of
death and through disbelief in the life to
come, abiding in its miseries." |
We can check
this against Porphyrus, who put things this
way (for those who reached the épopteia
during the Eleusinian Mysteries):
"Then,
finally, the light of a serene wonder fills
the temple; we see the pure fields of
Elysium; we hear the chorus of the
blessed..." |
Proclus said
this about the Eleusinian Mysteries (and,
like Porphyrus, he appears to be talking
about those who reach the highest stage so
that they see the Divine Light):
"The soul
also, beholding that which is arcane shining
forth as it were to the view, rejoices in,
and admires that which it sees, and is
astonished about it." |
You are, of
course, also right about Lessons from the
Light -- and Diodorus would cheer you on.
Speaking of the Samothracian Mysteries, he
wrote (Diodorus, Library of History 49.1-6,
Loeb tr.):
"The claim is
also made that men who have taken part in
the mysteries become more pious and more
just and better in every respect than they
were before." |
I think this is
a mystery to be clinically studied and
duplicated because these lessons might be
the only thing that can change the hearts of
those who war monger for profit or sit on
billions while ignoring the poverty stricken
of this world.
But the most
astonishing revelation of the range of
Florence's accomplishments was yet to come.
She was not, she insisted, a classical
scholar of the sort I had imagined. Not at
all. What she is was the woman who had
helped to promote an ingenious theory of how
the Egyptian pyramids had been built!
Indeed, she had developed and made the case
for an interpretation that had originally
been advanced by the man for whom she had
worked for many years to whom she gives all
credit -- years when she seems to have spent
much of her life crawling all over the great
Pyramid at Giza until she knew every
limestone intimately. She eventually had
written a highly praised book about this
discovery -- which I then started to read
and was bowled over by -- and was often
cited for her groundbreaking research on
this subject.
Once she had
made me aware of her writings and work on
this subject, and I had got over being
thoroughly dazzled by it, I could now
understand more about this extraordinary
woman who had entered into my life. Though
her excessive modesty would surely take
issue with my impressions of her, to me she
was clearly an autodidact, a polymath, and a
certifiable genius. In helping us to
understand how the Egyptians had built the
first Wonder of the Ancient World, I could
see that Florence was, as it were, at least
to me, the eighth Wonder of the Modern
World. She was a treasure, and had certainly
become more than that to me. I began to
think that maybe she was a lifesaver, too.
Her
serendipitous entrance into my life -- along
with several other new people I don't have
the space to mention here who have also
brought excitement and stimulation to me
recently -- has got me thinking that maybe I
need to reconsider my waiting to die conceit
that has been the theme of these essays.
Maybe it's really that I am just entering
another stage of my life before my death.
Maybe I will be around for longer than I had
supposed. Who knows?
So now I think
-- so what if I can only stumble around my
town like the decrepit hunchback of Norte
California on legs as wobbly as an
unbalanced kitchen table? As long as I can
let my fingers do the walking over the
non-noisy keys of my computer and as long as
I have people like Florence and others to
both entertain and thrill me, I'm inclined
to hang on for another round. Who knows who
will next show up in my inbox to intrigue
and delight me? Hey, maybe it'll be you!
Kenneth Ring's New Book:
Waiting to Die:
A Near-Death Researcher's (Mostly Humorous)
Reflections on His Own Endgame
|